One day left until Halloween… and what better topic than HORROR MOVIES…or how to survive them!! Come on in and join the fun by welcoming Ally Broadfield to the blog!! 😀
On Horror Movies and Being a Wimp
I’ve never seen a horror movie on the big screen. Since being scared to death isn’t high on my list of priorities, I’ve never been a fan of horror movies, not even when I was younger. Probably because I’m a big wimp. I watched Poltergeist at a friend’s sleepover when I was in the seventh grade, and refused to enter my walk-in closet at night for years. And don’t get me started on clown dolls. In high school I watched Nightmare on Elm Street on cable and I’m pretty sure I didn’t fall asleep for more than a week. The worst scare I ever had was driving home after watching Children of the Corn at a friend’s house. I had to drive home alone, after midnight, along an unlit road surrounded by corn fields. I totally blew through the stop sign at the cross street.
Fast forward several years (cough, cough, decades), and I’ve been saddled with a son who loves to watch scary movies. My other two kids are wimps like me, and my husband doesn’t find anything scary, so I somehow became the designated scary movie watcher. At first I was afraid he might get scared and we’d be up all night because he couldn’t sleep, but no. We’ve watched Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Shining, Dead Alive, all the Evil Dead movies, and many, many more, and I still haven’t found anything that actually scares him (though oddly enough, it was just a few years ago that he was covering his eyes during the Tuesday the 17th episode of Psych). He’s also watched Saw, Paranormal Activity, and Insidious at a friend’s house (likely along with many others I never found out about), but still nothing. So I’ve morphed from the mom trying to protect him to the cray-cray lady who is determined to find a movie that will scare the !@#$%* out of him.
Tonight our local movie theater is showing Halloween on the big screen, and we’re going. I expect he will be fine. I probably won’t be. Here are the strategies I’m employing to help me survive the experience:
- Arrive early to get a seat in the back row so I don’t have to worry about anyone getting me from behind.
- Use the bathroom before the movie in case I’m too scared to go during or after.
- Style hair to easily conceal my eyes so evil son won’t make fun of me if I close them.
- Carry a concealed weapon. No, not a gun, but I think a good hit in the eyes from a can of aerosol hair spray will slow someone down long enough for me to get away.
- Find a way to sneak one of my dogs into the theater. They always warn me when someone suspect is lurking (and will also protect me from an attack by evil squirrels).
- As a last resort, shove beloved son toward attacker to buy time for me to get away. What? It was his idea to go.
Do you have any other suggestions for me? Or, just in case watching on the big screen doesn’t work, can you recommend a movie that will finally scare my son?
Ally Broadfield lives in Texas and is convinced her house is shrinking, possibly because she shares it with three kids, five dogs, two cats, a rabbit, and several reptiles. Oh, and her husband. She likes to curse in Russian and spends most of her spare time letting dogs in and out of the house and shuttling kids around. She writes historical romance and middle grade/young adult fantasy. Her debut release, Just a Kiss, is coming from Entangled Publishing in December 2013.